Thursday, February 05, 2009

If Today Was Your Last Day

Playing around with radio stations I heard this song by Nickelback. Now I've never been able to truly put myself in the shoes of someone terminally ill and figure out what I'd do if I only had one day, one month or whatever to live. But, this recent warning from the doctor actually made me think this song through.

One line "would you forgive your enemies?" made me realize that a heck of alot of energy is wasted on keeping people as 'enemies'. I've thought that enemies are like those on tv or in a book - someone's ongoing nemesis. Not that I have an ongoing fight with anyone, and I can't really see that I have a nemesis. BUT, I do find it takes alot of work to avoid someone who hurt me severely, so I guess she would be considered an 'enemy' and the work involved does take its toll, not to mention avoiding her has cut me off from some dear friends. I thought about it, and if I did only have one day left, I would forgive my 'enemies'. Once I said that to myself, wow, did I ever feel like alot of weight lifted off my shoulders..

So I guess that means I should forgive my enemies and feel lighter now as opposed to waiting for some major health issue...

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Balancing Act

Supposedly, I'm run down and need to realize I'm able to "do it all" at my age (my doctor's words, not mine). But he has a point, I think everyone's tired of my complaints of being 'sick and tired of being sick and tired'.

It started with pregnancy, then with sleep deprivation. Yes, my lil k will sleep, but it seems that with motherhood, I've become an extremely light sleeper. Even with earplugs, I will hear lil k coughing, snorting, talking, knocking his water over, etc. However, it's not just the lil k that wakes me up, I'm dreading the upcoming "tourist season" as I found last year, I am constantly awakened by the buses, ship horns, hotel guests. Lack of sleep means I'm not as productive. This proved to create huge stress last week when I couldn't work due to lil k's asthma flareup, and my lack of sleep.

So this week, after being called back to the doctor for results of my annual checkup, I was somewhat confused and frustrated. My blood cell counts are dropping, so much so he says I'm rundown and my immune system is virtually non-existent. So it appears EVERYTHING is out of balance, health, home, work...

I believe I need to work full-time to earn an income that will reduce the stress. But of course, I have a 4yr old boy who wants me working less, so I try to spend time with him, then work when he sleeps. The more I work, the more tired I become, so this creates a downward spiral. Strangely enough, on Monday night, I opened up a book by Daniel Bach and the topic was that of living your life by your values, not by 'goals' or 'stuff'. He created something called 'Value Circles' tm reflected by a continuous ring of personalized values. "There's a starting point to this ring, but there is no ranking. ... if you don't put a fair amount of effort into all of your top values, your life can become unbalanced." So if too much emphasis/priority is spent on one area to the detriment of another, you get out of balance. So I'm reviewing my balance - I try to juggle everything at once (security/career, freedom, family, health), and trying to balance work while lil k is sick creates an imbalance. Today I decided to stay focussed on the immediate task at hand. Once I stopped trying to do so many things at once, everything settled down.

Now I just have to figure out whether I really know what my top values are!